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None of These Songs Are About Surfing

by Concrete Jumpers

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1.
Staring at his discrete mathematics I felt my guilt inside grow massive My whole life is a game of hide and seek Find a train to hop on to Find a path, one that goes through My regret that lies in front of me I am afraid of my brother That he’ll come back and become my father All I need is another reason to hate him Since I was born I wanted to move after All of this but I feel I'm moving backwards She fought a war, but what comes after? A battle scar, an alcoholic actor The city gets smaller when you're alone I know a good time when I see one I know a bad time when I’m in one I feel complete when you feel nothing at all Let me act like a petulant child Who wants and wants and lives in denial We can live in silence and pretend we’re something else The hardest part is making these decisions I ran from my guilt and died in my sense of privilege I'm starting to feel like Jesse I'm sinking like a stone in the sea I'm burning like a bridge for your body
2.
So this is it, my old friend This is how we meet again We're both back home And yeah I guess that I'll admit That I didn't know shit About being alone But if you let me stay here Then I'll let you back in And if you graze my shoulders I'll let you stay again We are poison to each other The most violent of lovers My old friend Wipe that grin off your face Where was the place I was born again? But if you teach me how I won't ever forget If you let me breathe in I'll take the pain again Every addict always lines up With the same look glued to them They're just fixing for another reason to let someone in But if you let me sink much further I'll let you sink with me Who was the person in the mirror Your past self wanted to see? Writing songs you don't connect to Or at least do not connect to anymore Throwing pages of apologies and passion and hatred On the floor Well if you forgot why I came here Don't even ask me anymore I know there's a God out there And he's been knocking down my door
3.
Mitt Romney 02:10
Your selfish pride it envelops All the good that was in you I miss being wholesome I bet you miss loving god My ego aside I have plans for you to What does it take to admit that it’s over? You can home, we’re still waiting for you here You are the poison in my drink I am the sword in your back I’ve broken all your commandments I’m not worthy of rapture I have followed my own code Man, they’ll come for me too Your ego aside you, You have plans like I do
4.
You're too good for freedom And I am walking on unstable ground You're asking for that old guy But that old guy isn't around And I miss all my friends I don't think that they miss me And I miss my old life But I know that it doesn’t need me Love love love What would you do without me? I'll be dead dead dead before you can even see Me being different or me being clean The difference between us is yet to be seen I lost more than I'll ever be payed back And I sold it Couldn’t get on the right track I don't think I have another recovery in me I'll be strong Just to see what I need to see 5 hours until New York We're never coming back You've given my heart reasons to beat again
5.
I can’t believe you saw kindness in me There is no part of me that you should aim to keep My eyes turn red when I’ve had too much to drink But I never lose sight of you I'm alone outside and the cold chills my blood You threw me a raft in the heart of a flood And one, two, three, take advantage of me I'll never lose a fight with you I'm so fucking stubborn and I need to feel right And someday you'll hear me start to scream when we fight You should be afraid of what I know that I am Just try to lose me now Everything at once can coalesce in my mind And all of his friends just want me to get high I say I already am as I toss them aside They hate the real me A liar, a thief, I probably stole this damn line From someone with talent who can actually write And if I can't do this I’ve just been wasting my time I just need to keep you
6.
Coccinellid 03:59
I tried to pray to god on an inflatable mattress It was my mother’s first apartment somewhere in the city And I thought to myself There would be nothing that could turn off the lights We played with sidewalk chalk and drew pictures of animals Adorned the hardwood floor with blue and green army men The Christmas tree the first year We still laugh about how sad that thing was Neighbors’ voices bled through the walls I didn’t hear a goddamn thing One of her places downtown, I was certain was heaven Cuz there was a backyard and we could all go walk to the movies I drove by recently, could not believe The place that I thought was a home then You were so strong for inventing a life for three children Sometimes making it up just a bit as we went along And we evolved, traveled like the wind And each year was just a little different I can still hear the sound of the ice cream truck in New York That guy was busted for selling weed to the parents And the trash bags, on the side streets We were just so sure that place was haunted A ladybug crawled up the beams on the porch in New Hampshire I stared at it crawl as I leaned back and remembered what you said “You get what you give and I hope that you know that a house and a home aren’t the same thing”
7.
So Meta, Bro 02:49
I can’t remember what I used to love about this place Just stab me now and let me bleed on the floor I’ve been staring at the lights every night and now my eyes are so sore I need the sting again I stuck a needle in your arm and told you “don’t be afraid” As i cowered in fear and i watched you walk away I’m nothing but the sins of my father I am afraid of me and what I said that night I walked around these empty hallways praying for a fight And I reflected blue light I had a backbone once and I miss it dearly and I Would give anything to learn how to say goodbye Or make a first impression last I call bullshit on you, Mr. Johnny Cash You didn’t kill no one, you just wanted your sadness back Your words, they meant nothing to me Well I’m not dangerous, at least not yet I don’t think But if I fly off the handle, you’ll be the first one to see The person I consider the real me A caged beast, a chained up dog I am nothing but the sins of my father So let me be alone
8.
I'm not the greatest I could be But I am good enough for me
9.
Lost and alone Calling me from a phone Told me about how the broom closet smelled When you were trapped and you were scared Saw the walls need repair As he destroyed a house and a home The smell of her beer The words that stay in your ears Every time you think you're alone And if a husband’s sins Can’t justify this Brace your leg when the aftershock comes You got thrown away Sorry you feel alone This is the path that you chose You got thrown away It smells like a cheap cigarette God I know that breath It's the smell of iron and whiskey From his blood-stained lips To her torn fingerprints That she keeps in the walls They say a breeding ground starts Where your heart falls apart So your touch is a contraceptive I smell whiskey and I feel Her threats become real He's alone once again Well he's got a new car She's got some new friends He's stuck in the atmosphere She's nothing but dead ends So as a dream becomes a nightmare You've gone from dead eyes to blank stare I feel the warmth starting to return
10.
Well I shook my own roots Stood away from the tree Can’t keep my old self I can’t keep being me And I knew from the start The people we are Don’t get to be happy Don’t get to make art Too afraid to forget How we got here I bet That what’s keeping you anchored Is your sense of regret That you finished too early And waited too late And the last voice you heard Pretty much sealed your fate It’s not too late to pick ourselves up from the ground Clean our hands under water, keep making sound So that if the light goes out, they can find us again If I have to climb more, I will climb til the end
11.
Well I got here and truthfully I feel different I cried and flailed my legs like an infant But I feel more holy And my knees got weaker And I don't think I'm living in heartbreak anymore I'm not stuck in park here anymore I'm almost free of the guilt inside I'm no longer living in fear all the time Last stop is Egypt, or god damn, is it Massachusetts? If you don't chase love then by the end of your life you'll lose it And I stepped back and chased my mistakes No longer afraid of taking the pain Cuz being this weak can't fucking kill me anyway No longer afraid of my own depression Not romanticizing my fake, tragic ending Well I was loved but I never felt so unloved It’s a new day And I am not the same kid as I was That was a lifetime ago Where were you? I felt like I ran off the side of the earth and I had I had no, I fucking ran out of air

about

"A life, Jimmy. You know what that is? It's the shit that happens while you're waiting for moments that never come."

credits

released May 18, 2016

Music - me
Album cover picture - Hudson Mooney

Thanks to anybody who has ever supported me musically.

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Concrete Jumpers Concord, New Hampshire

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