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Dear Madison

by Concrete Jumpers

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1.
Ghosts 02:03
Dear ghosts of my friends, who still live in my head, I’d do anything to just get you back Dear Christ, I’m alive and I’ve got so much time That’s been pissed away, that I can’t have Dear ghost of my brother, did you even bother To let me in on your little plan? Ditch me in fall, never give me a call Had a wife before you became a man Dear drugs that I took, the ones that shook Me awake and wouldn't let me forget That before I am dead, I’ll rid myself of regret, My guilt and my fear will die first Dear love that I had ,wasted on someone that Didn’t bother to tell me their intent Why’d I believe so easily that there was a you and me In this rocky fucking place I call home? I don’t know I guess I’ll never know We’ll never know
2.
Been gone so long, god damn i’m sorry Haven’t been myself, i know you missed me I know I’ve been absent, god forgive me You are my eyes, now let me see You changed a lot, good god believe me Sometimes my past just feels so empty My memories aren’t what they should be Why shake the ground of my belief? Your weary eyes got lost in mine We pissed away all of our time Shaking hands and looking busy I hope you don’t forget what made me me There’s so many things I wish I said Things, as they happen, I forget People I did not say goodbye to When you told me you loved me, I wish I believed you So as we lay here like two strangers Who never knew a meaning deeper We smoke and fuck and pray away the day Trying to change things that we both know we can’t change
3.
You said you didn't recognize yourself You asked me if I thought there was a hell I'm sorry if I made you feel like shit That just wasn't how I felt I saw it You said you missed me and forgot your own damn name You asked me if I felt the same damn way I'm sorry that I had nothing to say Good god I wish we always felt the same I'm nothing but those twelve songs that I love I've been praying to things I know are not above But I felt the pull of God inside my bones I wish both of us were so much less alone You said you wish you burned that shit with me You asked me if you're clothes were too revealing I'm sorry that I answered how I did That's how I made you feel like shit You said you miss the sting of it again You asked me more about my brother Ben I'm sorry that I told you what I did I wish my family wasn't carved from sin You said you saw a dead house in your dreams You asked me if I knew what that could mean I’m sorry that I didn’t have a clue But that’s just how it always worked with you You said you wish you could disguise yourself You asked what it feels like to be someone else I’m sorry that I had too much to say I’d say anything again to make you stay
4.
I miss you, I need you It’s getting hard to not see you It’s getting hard to believe I don’t believe you I’m a nightmare, believe me This is hell and I can’t bare to see You slip out of my reach I’m honest, I promise I’m a loose end, I’m a comma I’m a run-on sentence here without you I'm running low on time I'm running straight out of my mind You're my straight jacket One more day, and then six more I wanna keep waking up on the floor I don't want you to love me anymore Fall asleep on the train with me Let the thick air of Chicago consume my self-pity We can walk around, hand-in-hand Maybe you can come to accept parts of myself that I still can't understand
5.
I guess you’re right at the end of the bar A broken glass and a half-broken heart You stumble quickly towards the parking lot Don’t find your car, pass out in the street and repeat You’re feeling sick cuz the girl that you met Had her eyes on her watch, couldn’t make you forget About the last one Like she always did Your parents say it’s time to settle down You snap back “settle for what” Leave a note, Leave a note on the fridge A list of everything that you regret It gets harder every night you’re alone You stumble backwards all the way home You look for signs in the littlest things The way he talks or the way that he sings The way he asks you what you mean when you say things like that He looks for things like the way that she stares Off into space when she just couldn’t care about it She’s feeling sick cuz the guy that she met Was nothing more than a risky bet Something she couldn't handle was the thought of regret They all say that you’ve got such a nice thing You ask “how the fuck would you know about that?” Well I just want my love to be The simplest part of everything I crack my knuckles against the floor My teeth are gritted, jaw is sore
6.
Museum Songs 04:07
I found your lighter with your initials in my drawer You were never a smoker, what did you have this thing for? I found a note you left me that says “still love me” How could i do that anymore? I visited your tombstone by myself in the snow Why did I do that, why did I do that alone? And hey Madison, if you’re still missin' me It’d be cool to let me know I’m leaving footprints all over my old tracks I’m lost again, I’m panicking And if you’d be fine with no more fucking notes I’d thank you so much, I’d thank you for everything I found myself feeling much lighter when you left me There were no more burdens, no more empathy I realized that the more I drifted towards you I started seeing glimpses of myself I didn’t wanna see And hey Madison, if you still believe in me It’d be cool to set me free And hey Madison, I know you know this one’s for you I know I feel it, I know you I do And hey Madison, if you still love me You can share your fucking love with yourself And hey Madison, If you still believe in me That makes two of us and I guess that’s just as well Hey Madison
7.
Half the fuckin moon's been laughing at me Been reminded of things I just couldn't be Like how your new friend's your boyfriend, it's easy to see That the more that I loved you the less that you loved me And that's fine Why did you fake it the first time If you didn't feel the same way? Why did I love you again If you couldn't say the same? Oh and half your fucking friends are probably laughing at me And realizing that I'll never be a man in your eyes So listen to your shitty bands, enjoy all my gifts Stay warm in my sweatshirt, and don't give a shit about me Like you probably never did You weren't my safety net I should've told you that This wasn't everything that we needed I remember feeling like an idiot Thinking we would get married I don't believe me I didn't believe you I never could leave you Don't let me be a footnote Let me mean something Half the fucking moon has been laughing at me Cuz right now I'm as lonely as I'll ever be
8.
Out in the cold I'm shin fucking deep in this snow Feels like 10 below And we're stealing signs just to amuse ourselves Oh She’s so damn beautiful The way the smoke glistens in her eyes Makes me feel alive Waiting for her to get back Cuz I'm bored and want cheap love And tonight I'll drink myself free Of thoughts of you and of thoughts of me Oh She's so damn beautiful The way the smoke glistens in her eyes Oh She's so damn beautiful The way that she's been keeping me alive Makes me seem alright You go to bed You tell your friends You’ll never feel like this again This time it’s different You kick yourself Believe yourself Convince yourself there is a hell And you’ve already met everyone who went there
9.
On the precipice of everything Oh, your future stands so still Waiting for a train that just won’t come All your actions in the past sting but don’t kill Wading through shallow waters Just to get back home Your friends, they used to tell you of their dreams Dream they could only dream Foggy memories obscure What they could really mean Waiting with a watch in hand For a girl that just won’t show Read the same book once again Cuz I like the way it feels Living looking back Your shoulder against the wheel Finding out too early Things you hoped for just aren’t real Hearing songs of hope And feeling jealous like a prick I’d be willing to say sorry But I’m just too fucking thick (On the precipice of everything Your future looks like shit On the precipice of everything You can’t leave it) And just as luck would have it You just feel so damn sick I heard my roommate say He won’t sell his soul to it But I feel that I’ve sold out I’ve just been living with this shit A wasted prayer for anarchy The future’s looking hit or miss

about

Wow, this is surreal to write.
I realize that this project means a lot of different things to different people. Heck, I'm not even positive what it means to me. It humbles me greatly to read such kind words from such kind people, even strangers, about my music. All I ever wanted to do with this project was to tell my stories. The stories of a terrified college kid. A kid going through heartbreak, anxiety, and depression. I never realized until after I wrote these songs how much I really changed. I'm proud of myself for finding a creative outlet for my anxieties and connecting with some really frickin' awesome people. As much as I'll always love these songs, I also think it's important to keep them in a neat little piece of work. I'll still play them. I would never ignore these songs. But I also think this chapter is closed for now. There may be a time in my life when I feel like revisiting this project, but for now, I have to let go of everything.

I could go forever, but that's enough rambling. I'm gonna write a huge list of thank you's, because I owe certain people a lot for helping me get to this point in my life. If I forget to mention you, know that I love you and value you.

Love, sincerely,
Sam Wiehe

Mom - Thank you for inspiring me and never accepting my self-hatred. You are a wonderful friend and life-coach.
Dad - Although we have our weird ways of showing it, thank you for your love and strength.
Max - For being so god damn funny and dependable, and a truly amazing brother.
Mason - For being a brother when I needed one the most in my life. Your loyalty, passion, and creativity blows me away constantly. Thank you for understanding parts of me that a lot of people don't.
Robby - For more than I'll ever be able to fit in a couple sentences. The car rides speak for themselves, and your unique brand of humor and pessimism kept me alive for a year.
Eric - For being one of my first friends at the skill and for being a rad jam buddy.
Hudson - As many people can attest to, I truly think you are the funniest person I have ever met, even though your irony transcends reason at times.
Tyler - For being one of the piggiest Taco Bell eaters with me and injecting the world with scathing sarcasm that makes me laugh through cringing.
Lucas - idk man you're just funny as fuck sometimes and your intelligence grossly dwarfs mine but it's ight.
Delz - For being the sister I never had as a kid and for being one of the few people that can make Mason and I genuinely tear up with laughter.
Colly - For being incredibly inspiring and getting me through a rough couple of months.
Aaron - For having me aboard GAR and for taking a risk on a sad kid from VT.
Josh, Alec, and Jordan - For being some early musician buddies and for cranking out some killer sad tunes.

credits

released March 18, 2017

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Concrete Jumpers Concord, New Hampshire

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